Goodbye
by happysunshine01
Summary: After JJ's death, it is time for Hotch to say goodbye and deliver a speech at her funeral. A one-shot written for Carmen xx!


A/N: I wrote this one-shot for Carmen xx because she was my 200th reviewer. I hope you all like this, even though it's really sad!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

''We do not die because we have to die; we die because one day, and not so long ago, our consciousness was forced to deem it necessary.''

~ Antonin Artaud

* * *

He had done this before. He had been through it before. Now it was happening all over again. The scenery was too familiar. The expressions surrounding him were painstakingly familiar. Even the smell reaching his nostrils was volatile. But the worst of all, was the pain he felt. The pain from another loss. Another woman who died, someone he loved.

He stood in front of the casket, knowing he had to give his speech. Just like he did when Haley died. It was all the same. The only difference was that now JJ lay in that specific casket, leaving behind another little boy in the world. Jack had lost his mother and now Henry. It was unfair and Hotch had tried everything to keep little Henry from asking too many questions about the sudden loss of his mom. But he didn't understand. He could only cry when Will or Hotch would talk about JJ going to heaven. Like he said, it wasn't fair. For anyone.

''I've known JJ for almost nine years and let me say that I've learned a lot from her.'' he started, trying to keep the tears away. ''JJ was the heart and soul of our team and each day she fought harder to make this world a better place, never letting the horrifying cases get her down, her vivacious nature always shown through. She gave each and everyone one of us a smile, making our jobs easier because of it.'' Hotch said as he stumbled through each word. He looked at his team on the left, tears in their eyes and holding hands. On the right side stood Will with Henry and Jack. Hotch saw that Jack had tears in his eyes and for the first time he realized that even his son was losing another mother. ''JJ loved life and lived each day to its fullest. She had a remarkable sense of humor within the confines of her own home and I was lucky enough to share a short but beautiful life with her. Not only as colleagues and friends, but as partners and parents.'' he went on and this time the tears were stinging in his eyes. He felt like stopping because he couldn't do it. But he reminded himself that JJ deserved this. ''JJ was one of those people who seemed to have it all. The job, the family and the house. But her life wasn't a walk in the park. At a young age she lost her sister, Rosaline. For JJ that was a strong motivator to help people in her life. Just like she helped me.'' he explained sadly. His heart was sinking and he felt like running away. But he couldn't leave JJ behind. She deserved a more than a few good words ''She was the most amazing woman I had the pleasure of knowing. And even in a life that got cut short she was a hero.'' he croaked out. ''She sacrificed her own life to save mine.''

* * *

_**Three days earlier…**_

_After a long and exhausting week of investigating a serial murderer, the team had finally discovered the unsub's identity. But unfortunately it took another teenage girl to die before the team had been able to figure it out. The case was heavy and everyone wanted to go home, but not before the unsub was in custody._

_Hotch had separated the team because there were two different locations. Rossi, Reid and Blake were on their way to the house while JJ, Morgan and Hotch were going to his work. Both locations were secluded enough to torture and kill young girls._

_Hotch pulled up in front of the small factory. It had been closed since the killings started and the team soon realized it was the perfect place for a deranged man to bring his victims. Hotch snapped back to reality when he heard two voices behind him. He heard Morgan and JJ already discussing tactics. _

_He turned around to face them. ''We'll go in together and split up inside.'' he ordered, looking at JJ for confirmation. He got a sweet wink and he smiled back at her. ''Let's do this.''_

_JJ followed her fiancé inside, getting a bad feeling. The case had been weighing on her heart heavily since they were on it. It was one of those that no one would ever get out of their minds. The details were gruesome and the victims suffered severely. More than anyone ever should. _

_The dark and humid air inside almost made JJ choke. It was creepy, but she had dealt with more dangerous situations. She knew that. But why was something telling her to run away? What was it?_

_Hotch moved around the corner by his own. JJ and Morgan had both taken another side of the building. He moved silently through the rooms, but stopped when a light in the middle of the dark room started flickering. He turned around in one fluid motion, never knowing the person was now actually behind him. He held his gun out in front of him when he suddenly felt the cold metal against the back of his head._

''_Drop the gun!'' a whispered ordered. _

_Hotch held onto his gun, knowing this unsub would kill him no matter what. ''It's over for you, Jarrod!'' he said, his voice low. ''I'm not alone.''_

_The unsub pressed the gun harder against his skull. ''Shut your mouth and drop the gun!''_

_JJ was about to clear the room when she heard whispers coming from the next room. She turned her back against the wall and slowly moved towards the closed door. The adrenaline was pumping through her veins as she kicked open the door, only to find Hotch standing in the middle with a gun pressed to his head. ''Hotch?'' she croaked out, the fear surrounding her entire being all at once._

_His eyes snapped up to meet hers when he heard the familiar voice. ''JJ, go!'' he yelled out as he struggled against the grip of the unsub. ''He's never going to let me go!''_

_JJ didn't flinch. Instead, she pointed her gun at the unsub's head. ''Let him go.'' she said calmly, but there was no movement. _

_Jarrod didn't budge, knowing he had the upper hand. ''If you make one move your boss will drop dead, JJ.'' he smiled widely. ''So drop your gun and kick it over to me.''_

''_Let him go first!''_

_The unsub suddenly slammed the gun against Hotch's face as he used him as a shield. ''Get on your knees.'' he ordered._

_JJ had no idea what she was supposed to do. She knew the unsub would never let anyone go. No matter what happened, it seemed like at least one of them wouldn't make it out alive. She could shoot him and risk Hotch's life in the process. Or she could put down her gun. The unsub would shoot her, but Hotch would have enough time to pull his own gun to make it. _

_Hotch was shocked when he saw that JJ was leaning down to put the gun on the floor. He knew exactly what she was doing. There were only two options and she was sacrificing herself. ''No! JJ! No!'' he yelled frantically. _

''_I love you!'' she mouthed to Hotch before she knelt down on the floor, giving her life away for nothing._

_Hotch wanted to move, but he couldn't. ''No!'' he pleaded. ''JJ, please!'' he said, but he was stopped when the deafening sound of the bullet echoed through the room. Luckily, he was on his feet in enough time to raise his gun and shoot the unsub straight in the heart. He fell down and Hotch grabbed his gun before he could check on JJ._

_JJ was laying on her back as the pain went through her body in waves. She could feel the energy leaving her body as she pressed her hands to her stomach, but it hurt like hell. She was still stunned by the shock, knowing she was dying. But a familiar face hovering above her body suddenly pulled her from the pain._

''_JJ, come on!'' Hotch said, his eyes watering as he looked at the small woman beside him. He had his hands on her wound and he could feel the blood seeping through his fingers. The warmth and flow almost made him nauseous. ''Stay with me!''_

_JJ opened her mouth to speak, but no words were spoken. She didn't have enough energy left. So she just looked into the eyes of the man she loved. _

_Hotch knew the end was nearing and felt his breaths hitch as he pulled the blonde into his arms. Her head was against his chest, his hands on hers and his head on her hair. ''Why?'' he asked in despair. ''I can't lose you, JJ. Stay with me! Fight! I need you!''_

_JJ's hand started to slip from Hotch's as her eyes finally closed. ''I love you.'' she muttered as a glistening tear streamed down her face._

''_I love you so much, JJ.'' Hotch whispered while he felt her body go limp in his arms. He didn't let her go. Instead, he held onto her for dear life until she had to be taken away._

* * *

The tears were now streaming down Hotch's face. The memory was still so fresh and he could still feel her die in his arms. He knew nothing would ever make him forget that moment. Something inside him died when JJ died. Maybe it was his sense of happiness because he didn't feel even a part of it. ''JJ lived a short but wonderful life. She never deserved this ending.'' he whispered. ''Rest in piece, JJ!'' he added sadly. ''We all love you. I love you and always will.'' Hotch was about to step away when he suddenly wanted to say something more.

''I made a promise to JJ when we got engaged. She asked me to remember the good times in the bad times.'' he cried out. ''So, that's exactly what I'm going to do. I am going to remember the great moments she shared with us.'' he ended. He stepped away and took a stand next to Jack. He bend down and gave the boy a long hug as he cried into his father's shoulder.

* * *

''The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.''  
~ Marcus Tullius Cicero


End file.
